More Rambling about Call

Richard Estes (American, born 1937); Cafe Express

Just so you know the ins and outs of this life we live, I have to be perfectly clear.  Alongside all of the negatives, there are definitely positives. Even though I may, and probably will again, be focusing on some of the sadder, lonelier days of being a doctor's wife, I will let you in on a few secrets...

...A night to myself every now and then is agreeable.  Of course, I wouldn't necessarily chose to send MH away every week for a night, just so I can have some me time.  But since that's already the tune we sing to, I have learned to enjoy it.  I've always been a person that savors some quiet moments to myself, and sometimes probably to a fault.  So maybe these built in nights to myself, after the storm of feeding with, playing with, reading to, bathing, and putting little children to bed, are a little blessing in disguise.  A breather, if you will.  Often, it's a time to regroup, think, plan, blog, watch chick-flicks, read good books, etc., without feeling like I'm abandoning MH for the night.

Someone mentioned to me recently that she didn't realize I struggled with loneliness from time to time when MH was on call.  I had to assure her that it's not a constant struggle, it's sort of just a fact of life.  I think after so many years of this, I just take it in stride and speak very matter of fact about it.."MH is on call tonight." Sounds like no big deal.  And really, we're very used to it, so it isn't a big deal.  But I probably am just so used to dealing with it, that I internalize the struggles, and don't spill them forth all the time, you know?

So, in the face of being lonely, I can enjoy being alone.  Sounds weird, but it's true.