A Career Worth Choosing, Part 3

Seldon Connor Gile (American, 1877-1947); Arks Along the Lagoon

Boosted with confidence that my stay-at-home-mom career choice was truly nothing to be ashamed of, there was a decision to be made. If I was going to be confident about this, I needed to realize that the main reason I was even bothering teaching piano (when I had many other things on my plate to tend to) was so that I could have something to say when I was face to face with female professionals, specifically female ob/gyns; those women who seemed so strong, like they had it all together, like they could do everything, and save the world in the process.

I confided in MH my desire to be more confident about my decision to be a stay-at-home mom, and start claiming it with pride (the good kind); which meant I needed to close my small piano studio. Conveniently, about the same time I turned up pregnant with our third child, which made the reasoning behind it all much simpler.

I remember the first time we went to a function after this decision of mine, I literally had to give myself an internal pep-talk before we arrived about being confident about what I do.  And when the first person who asked me, "Now what do you do, are you a physician as well?" I responded confidently that I stayed at home with my two, almost three children, and that I loved it.  And I forced myself to say nothing at all about what I used to do. And it went over just fine.

But these are the things we wives have to deal with, right?  And not just wives of doctors.

A Career Worth Choosing, Part 2

Raoul Dufy (French, 1877-1953); Open Window at Nice

It wasn't until a couple of years after MH had gotten his first "real" job as an ob/gyn, that I began to come to grips with some of these emotions. By this time, we had two children, and I had started teaching piano again out of my home. Now, with this jump back into my "career," when we attended functions, if I was asked that same old question, I could reply, "I teach piano," and listen to the "oohs" and "ahhs" and "Oh, I've always wanted to learn to play," etc..

Digging deeper into my heart about all this, I think having a career to fall back on made me "feel" important, when faced to face with all of these women, these colleagues of MH, who were doing such important things. I really felt like I could hold my own once again, like I had something to talk about. But still, something about all of this left me with a bad taste in my mouth; like I was trying to be something that I wasn't.

All along, I had (have) many friends who made the same choice I had, the choice to walk away from their career and to pursue their family.  And in this group of friends I felt confident, sure; resolved that staying at home was definitely what I was supposed to be doing, what I was called to do.  Along with these women, God's word grounded me with confidence.  I'm always encouraged in the Scripture that my career as a wife and mother are prized and valued very highly by God.  That truly, this choice of mine is a worthy career choice, and nothing to be ashamed of in the professional world.

And there's more to this story...

A Career Worth Choosing, Part 1

by Winslow Homer, "woman and the dinner horn"

Before MH and I were married, I definitely knew that someday I'd close the "career" door in my life and open the "mom" door, and that would be that.  And it really wasn't just about knowing this, I truly wanted it, sometimes more than anything! And when it happened, with the arrival of baby #1 just 8 weeks before residency began, I was ready...at least I thought I was.

But the further I got in this life as wife of a Dr., the more I missed about my "career," primarily in regard to what I conversed about when it came to interacting with MH's colleagues.  It seemed that as we gathered at various social events, I felt like I no longer had anything worthy to contribute in conversation, apart from what my baby was doing at the time (like drooling and teething, very exciting).  I found myself falling back on what I "used" to do, whenever I was asked, "And what do you do?" Or I'd discuss ways I thought I was going to get back into my field, which, as I'm sure you've guessed, is teaching piano.

And so it went, sadly, for more than 4 years.  I say sadly, not because of the circumstance. Not because I really wished that I was back teaching piano and not a stay-at-home mom. Honestly, it was quite the contrary.  Staying at home was (and is) truly the highlight of my life, something I came to enjoy immensely.  I say sadly, because those "nothing to contribute" feelings, or perhaps even some embarrassment that I was just a stay-at-home mom, kept nagging me, when they shouldn't have.

And there's more to this story...