Who's Your Dr.?

because these are the kind of images I find when I'm
on MH's computer--IVF calves...

A few weeks ago, my own ob/gyn got really sick and had to go on medical leave for a couple of months. She works with my husband, so I knew all about it, visited her in the hospital, etc. Of course with her being out, MH as well as others will be filling in for her.

I actually told her, selfishly, that I was bummed she got sick, because I have an appointment with her coming up and I don't want any other doctor, you know?

But of course, I forgot all about the appointment and life goes on. Then last week I received a phone call that went something like this:

secretary: "Hi, Mrs. -----, this is the gyn. clinic; you have a scheduled appointment in 4 weeks. Unfortunately, your doctor has had to go on medical leave. The referring doctor is Dr. ----- (insert my last name)"

me: "Okay, that's actually my husband."

sec.: "Oh (nervous laugh), umm, well, how would you like to proceed?"

me: "Well, I think I'd rather just postpone the appointment. It's really no emergency. Can we do that?"

sec.: "Oh yes dear, (obviously relieved), not a problem." click.

That was awkward, funny, strange, and would only happen to me. I got a good laugh after that call. Oh, the life of a doctor's wife.

Post Call Days for him, On-call days for me

by Mary Cassatt

Planning for MH's call days are one thing, but what do you do about the "post call" days? For you non-doctor's wives out there, "post call" refers to the day after call day. In residency, after being on call at the hospital for 24 hours, MH would come home to sleep away half of the day, and then spend the late afternoon and evening with us. Those were often really refreshing days (once he woke up) to catch up on time with Daddy, after the long separation of call.

These days, however, as an attending at a teaching hospital, MH has to work the whole post call day.  Meaning, he doesn't get to come home and sleep, he has to go straight to clinic and see patients all day. Granted, as an attending, he definitely gets more sleep at the hospital than the residents or fellows do, so working the next day is a bit more possible. But he's still exhausted, and when he gets home that night it's straight to the couch. Understandably so; if it were me, I'd be rushing straight to the bathroom, sick.

Sometimes for me, post call day is actually harder than call day, because MH is home but sort of "untouchable." I don't want to bother him with bathing the kids or doing the dishes (although he definitely has and will if needed), so in a way it's like 48 hours of "on-call" for me. It's like I have to step up to the plate, and stay there for at least 48 hours. No post call day for me!

MH works incredibly hard, and of course when he's on call, no matter whether it's a busy night at the hospital or not, he's working and not relaxing. So yes, it's much easier being the one at home with the kids. But still, I find that the anticipation of call day, the actual call day, and the realities of post call day can be quite emotionally exhausting for me.

And so I rely on God's strength throughout it all, realizing that this is the life He chose for me. And time and time again, God has proven Himself faithful at bolstering my energy during these single-parent days. We all have our challenges, and realizing that God has brought it and will give the grace to endure it is more than half of the battle.

Spouse's Unite (Learning to Adjust, part four)

 "The Eve's Dropper" by Nicolaes Maes

This is the 4th in my "Learning to Adjust" series...I've been explaining how I'm striving to involve myself in my husband's world in a deep and meaningful way, not just accompany him or watch him as though I'm an on-looker. But to pursue his world and have some sort of an impact in the meantime.  So you  might need to read the prior posts to catch up to this story...

So the day of the spouse's event finally came.  I was a bit nervous, but on I plodded. When I arrived I put my name tag on and introduced myself to a few people, sort of made my way into the crowd and found a spot to stand (the event involved an Art Walk and lecture).  In my mind, I was wondering who I would click with, if anyone.  I spotted two wives about my age, interspersed throughout the group.

As we began our walk around the resort, the ladies pushed on and by some sort of miracle, seriously, the two other girls my age ended up right next to me.  We laughed about it later that it was like we were magnets!  Immediately we began to get to know each other, and lo and behold they were even from my state, which meant our husbands were in the same group.

So this led to that, we exchanged numbers, and for the next couple of days spent lots of our free time together, by the pool, at the beach, eating lunch, etc.  I was so thankful for the opportunity to get to know these women, who I'm likely to see again.  I felt the Lord prodding me in some conversations to speak up for Him, and I did.  And it was a   beginning--a start to perhaps more opportunities to connect with our common bond (our husbands are gynecologists) and to share how my faith impacts my life.

I hate to think what could have been had I ignored the urge to stretch myself and get out of my comfort zone.  Nothing terrible would have happened, but nothing good either.  It would just be life as usual, and I would be no further along in my desire to join up with my husband, in his world.

A Trip and a Challenge (learning to adjust, part three)

It may seem to you that I'm a real stick in the mud. That I never want to interact with my husband's world. But I do! I'm just being honest here about the internal challenges that come up and how I work through them. If it were a breeze I'd have nothing to write about.

So, my husband and I were planning a trip to paradise, combined with a conference he had to attend, and I had been looking forward to this for a year...the freedom, the weather, the water, no kids, no responsibilities, no schedules, not to mention time with him. And then an opportunity to spend a morning with the spouses came up...and once again, I was faced with some options.

There's more than what meets the eye here though. The first level of all this is the fear that comes to me when I'm placed in a new environment, on my own, with new people, no securities. But underneath it all, I was facing a spiritual crisis too. Does God only want me to live for Him when I'm at home? Am I really granted a vacation from opportunities to share my faith with others? What if He is opening up a door for me to build relationships with people in my husband's world, who I more than likely will see again?

And so this battle raged back and forth in my heart, and finally, I made a decision. I told my husband the next day that I would be meeting up with the spouse's for the event. He was kind of surprised, but I explained. I told him I didn't want to pretend that I could live in two worlds, one world of reality, where I "preach" that we should live out the Gospel in our everyday life, and one world of "vacation," where I do my own thing. God had really convicted me to take this opportunity seriously, and to pray about people I might meet and how I could be bold in my conversation.

Not to mention, how I could join my husband's world and not just accompany him.
And the story continues...

Learning to Adjust, part two

"Melina in Green"  by Emma Fordyce MacRae

Once or twice a year, I accompany my husband to his program's graduation festivities. The pleasant part of these yearly parties is buying a new dress.  But the harder part for me is making conversation.  This is the part I'm attempting to embrace.

At the most recent event, my husband had a presentation for which he was setting up, and I was lingering by him as he plugged in various cords.  But then he realized there was a cord missing and he had to fly out to purchase it before the program began.  So in a flash, I was standing alone, faced with some options...  

1) Go to the bathroom, and take a really long time...

2) Wander around the club and look at the art

3) Stand in line for a drink and "dress watch" (you know, check out all the latest fashions and internally analyze them; much funner done with a friend or sister...)

4) Stand around and look bashful

5) Intentionally find a familiar face and just talk to them

So, while I was very tempted to do option #1, I went with a little of option #3, and more of option #5.  I found my ob/gyn and talked about the kids and our Macs...kinda cliche', but good.  

When dinner was called, my husband still wasn't back.  Oh, no...Where would I sit?  I hadn't found a table yet!  I do know people, just so you know, like the residents that my husband teaches and some of his colleagues.  But they all know each other too and as I scanned the crowd, all their tables were full.  For a minute or two I probably looked a little lost, but I pulled it together and just chose a table, introduced myself and who I belonged to, and sat down.  Then I realized I had literally chosen the ahum  senior citizen table.  

I tried to make conversation but was literally running into a wall, until I spotted another familiar face at a different table, with two empty spots to boot.  I'm sorry to say (although glad I did it) I quietly escaped the first table (and really, I don't think they even noticed) and landed a spot in the next table.  

Upon finding a resting spot, I relaxed into good conversation about motherhood, career choices, and so on.  Soon my husband showed up and I must admit, I was somewhat proud that I had found a spot on my own and was deep in conversation.

Moral of the story:  Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there and meet people. Often it's when you're on your own that you make the most progress in these situations.  

Learning to Adjust, part one...

Over the years as a Dr's wife, I've found myself in settings completely out of my comfort zone.  For instance, hospitals, rooms full of Dr's, rooms full of Dr's spouses, residency parties, etc.  On many occasion I've been sort of "forced" to engage in conversation, or I've chosen to slip off in my own little world, chase my toddler around, and subtly elbow my husband that I want to go home.

Recently, however, I've been trying to come to grips with this sense of discomfort, this idea that I don't have anything to offer to this particular group of people, or just to the feeling of being really out of place.  Now just so you know, my husband is really great at boosting my confidence, and he loves it when I attend functions with him.  But even then, many a time he's whisked away for this conversation, to meet this person, or to MC the event or participate on the podium.  So often, by default, I'm left wondering which way to go, which person to talk to, etc, etc. This is just a hunch, but I think I might not be the only Dr's wife who feels this way.

But I want to embrace my husband's world, not just accompany him. I want to make an impact on the people I meet, not just converse with them to pass the time. So how do I embark on this mission? What does it look like in real life? Well, that's for another post.

P.S. For the sake of my point I may have exaggerated just a bit; I have definitely had some good and memorable memories interracting with people in my husband's world. Indeed, I've made some endearing, life-long friends in the process. But that too is for another post.