Screening Phone Calls

 Carel Fabritus, (Dutch 1622-1654); The Goldfinch

As a doctor, MH realizes he's in a profession that needs to be shared from time to time. Meaning, usually once every couple of weeks a friend, a relative, or a friend of a relative will call with a medical question. And he's so generous and helpful that he tries hard to return these calls and assist in whatever way he can. I know many people have truly appreciated his professional opinion, as well as his simple explanations.

That being said, as the secretary of this household, I have learned a thing or two about screening calls and questions. I've heard enough conversations to know what questions to ask, and whether or not the Dr. needs to return the call. (of course, I always run it by him later, just to be sure) So here's what I say...

The basic questions...
What are your symptoms?
How long have you had it?
Any fevers or headaches?
What have you tried?

The random ones...
Have you tried cabbage leaves? An ace bandage?
Have you taken a decongestant?
Any discharge? (hey, I'm a gynecologist's wife, okay?)
Does it hurt when you pee?

Comments or helps...
No, you can't take ibuprofen.
Don't fret if you did, just don't take anymore.
Take some tums and call me in the morning.
The cheese needs to be pasteurized.
Heat the lunchmeat in the microwave for 15-20 seconds before eating.
Yes, that's normal.
No, that's not normal.

More Table Talk

Sitting around the table is a very refreshing thing to do together as a family; something we've always cherished and been committed to. Of course, when MH was in residency, it was rare.  Often I found myself sitting alone at the table or with my little daughter (pleasant, but missing something). So I'm definitely glad we're passed that era in our life and able to look forward to more predictable table time together.

Of course, as previously mentioned, along with table time comes interesting conversations or amusements. Let me explain. I'm a woman who loves cloth napkins; I guess you could say I collect them. In fact, during residency, my actual kitchen curtains were made out of them--cute little yellow striped napkins hanging down in cafe' style.

It wasn't until recently that I realized cloth napkins can serve even more purposes than the common ones (wiping hands, curtains, etc.)  MH happened to have some stitching supplies, and for some odd reason after dinner, he decided to pull it out and start stitching up those very same cloth napkins! Not only did he do this, but he started teaching our little daughter how to do it too! (you see, I actually got used to this in medical school when I'd find a series of stitches hanging from random objects--a chair, a pillow, etc., while my husband was practicing his knots). But now I'm a mom, so I found myself issuing warnings like, "Be careful, that needle is really sharp!" to which, of course, neither of them listened.

So I still haven't ripped those stitches out of that napkin...I keep hoping one of those two get that particular napkin at dinner and laugh about it.  So far, I'm the one who keeps getting it.

Table Talk

I'm sure for most families, the talk around the dinner table can take some pretty unique twists and turns, depending upon the father's trade. Perhaps the cobbler has a tale or two of the man with the biggest feet who stepped into his shop today. Or perhaps the roofer's employer fell off his ladder and broke his leg. Or maybe even the produce salesmen found out he sold a bad batch of celery. Lots of interesting table conversation, to be sure.

Well so it is with our family.  For instance, you might think that a baked potato seems innocent enough; just a little spud staring up at you, ready for the knife, the butter, and the smashing.  Not much to say about it, right? Just eat it!  Oh, but not for this family--not for this father, to be more specific.

So we had baked potatoes last week, and before I knew it, MH was performing surgery on it.
"See, this is how I cut into a Mommy's tummy; just in and straight down, like so.  You want to try it?" Yep, that's definitely one way to have your table talk take a turn.  It was a bit hard to swallow that particular potato after all that imagery, but the girls seemed amused.

Thus it is for a doctor's wife--the ordinary becomes extraordinary, and perhaps I'll never look at another baked potato in the same way.

A Career Worth Choosing, Part 3

Seldon Connor Gile (American, 1877-1947); Arks Along the Lagoon

Boosted with confidence that my stay-at-home-mom career choice was truly nothing to be ashamed of, there was a decision to be made. If I was going to be confident about this, I needed to realize that the main reason I was even bothering teaching piano (when I had many other things on my plate to tend to) was so that I could have something to say when I was face to face with female professionals, specifically female ob/gyns; those women who seemed so strong, like they had it all together, like they could do everything, and save the world in the process.

I confided in MH my desire to be more confident about my decision to be a stay-at-home mom, and start claiming it with pride (the good kind); which meant I needed to close my small piano studio. Conveniently, about the same time I turned up pregnant with our third child, which made the reasoning behind it all much simpler.

I remember the first time we went to a function after this decision of mine, I literally had to give myself an internal pep-talk before we arrived about being confident about what I do.  And when the first person who asked me, "Now what do you do, are you a physician as well?" I responded confidently that I stayed at home with my two, almost three children, and that I loved it.  And I forced myself to say nothing at all about what I used to do. And it went over just fine.

But these are the things we wives have to deal with, right?  And not just wives of doctors.

A Career Worth Choosing, Part 2

Raoul Dufy (French, 1877-1953); Open Window at Nice

It wasn't until a couple of years after MH had gotten his first "real" job as an ob/gyn, that I began to come to grips with some of these emotions. By this time, we had two children, and I had started teaching piano again out of my home. Now, with this jump back into my "career," when we attended functions, if I was asked that same old question, I could reply, "I teach piano," and listen to the "oohs" and "ahhs" and "Oh, I've always wanted to learn to play," etc..

Digging deeper into my heart about all this, I think having a career to fall back on made me "feel" important, when faced to face with all of these women, these colleagues of MH, who were doing such important things. I really felt like I could hold my own once again, like I had something to talk about. But still, something about all of this left me with a bad taste in my mouth; like I was trying to be something that I wasn't.

All along, I had (have) many friends who made the same choice I had, the choice to walk away from their career and to pursue their family.  And in this group of friends I felt confident, sure; resolved that staying at home was definitely what I was supposed to be doing, what I was called to do.  Along with these women, God's word grounded me with confidence.  I'm always encouraged in the Scripture that my career as a wife and mother are prized and valued very highly by God.  That truly, this choice of mine is a worthy career choice, and nothing to be ashamed of in the professional world.

And there's more to this story...

A Career Worth Choosing, Part 1

by Winslow Homer, "woman and the dinner horn"

Before MH and I were married, I definitely knew that someday I'd close the "career" door in my life and open the "mom" door, and that would be that.  And it really wasn't just about knowing this, I truly wanted it, sometimes more than anything! And when it happened, with the arrival of baby #1 just 8 weeks before residency began, I was ready...at least I thought I was.

But the further I got in this life as wife of a Dr., the more I missed about my "career," primarily in regard to what I conversed about when it came to interacting with MH's colleagues.  It seemed that as we gathered at various social events, I felt like I no longer had anything worthy to contribute in conversation, apart from what my baby was doing at the time (like drooling and teething, very exciting).  I found myself falling back on what I "used" to do, whenever I was asked, "And what do you do?" Or I'd discuss ways I thought I was going to get back into my field, which, as I'm sure you've guessed, is teaching piano.

And so it went, sadly, for more than 4 years.  I say sadly, not because of the circumstance. Not because I really wished that I was back teaching piano and not a stay-at-home mom. Honestly, it was quite the contrary.  Staying at home was (and is) truly the highlight of my life, something I came to enjoy immensely.  I say sadly, because those "nothing to contribute" feelings, or perhaps even some embarrassment that I was just a stay-at-home mom, kept nagging me, when they shouldn't have.

And there's more to this story...

A Dr. at Home

Even though MH doesn't have a little clinic in the basement of our house where he sees patients or diagnoses his family, I will say, to follow up from my last post, it is quite nice to be married to an ob/gyn, specifically during these child-bearing years. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has millions of questions about my cycle, random pains, strange symptoms during pregnancy, etc. And instead of feeling like an idiot and calling my doctor every single day with ridiculous questions, I just bombard MH with them!

He is very objective, however, and sometimes I wish he'd just tell me that I'm sick or that it must be cancer, or that there's something very terribly wrong and I should go to bed immediately, or straight to the ER. But pretty much it's, "Your fine, there's nothing wrong. That's completely normal.  Just eat another banana." (that last part happened last night, and I had to laugh!)

What he doesn't do is try to diagnose my children. If I have a sincere concern he tells me to take them to the pediatrician, and so I do. He will take a little flash light and look down their throats, which is helpful since he knows what strep throat looks like, but beyond that he sort of has a "hands off" policy. He will give information and helpful tips, but if it's a deep concern, just go to the doctor.

I think overall he just wants to make sure that relationships don't blur good medicine. He knows he fills different roles in different places, and when he's at home he's the fun Daddy who spends quality time with his children.